Becoming a Pretzel for Love

Do you sometimes contort yourself into a pretzel to please others at the expense of your own desires? Many times, the decision is unconscious.

Pretzeling is a way of giving yourself away without realizing it. You choose to be someone you’re not because you fear someone won’t like the real you.

Although this is common in dating relationships, it can be learned in childhood when a parent is disapproving or critical. Pretzeling may continue through life when you feel uncomfortable or criticized in a relationship or feel someone is pulling away from you.

Sometimes, Pretzeling seems like a selfless act. On the surface, it might seem to be because you are making someone else happy.

The key is looking at your motivation.

·   Are you changing yourself because you see a need, without expectation of a return?

·   Are you changing yourself, expecting to get love or acceptance from someone else? 

·   Are you giving from your heart or ‘giving to get’?

Take a step back and consider what your motivation is. Once you understand your motivation, you may be in a better place to use the tools you have to make decisions that are moving you toward the life you envision for yourself.

Rather than make decisions at the expense of your own happiness, ask yourself, “What is my heart’s deepest desire?” Only then do you make choices and take actions from that embodied part of you.

But, you say, “How do I make that big shift from ways I have been showing up for much of my life?”

Living Consciously from the Whole Heart offers ways to support you when you are ready to unwind that pretzel self and investigate how living wholeheartedly every day, in the NOW, can transform your life.

Click here to schedule a Discovery Call and we can see how this transformation might be possible for you.